“But if a wicked man turns away from all his sins which he has committed
and keeps all my statutes and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live;
he shall not die…
‘Have I any pleasure in the death of the wicked, says the Lord GOD,
and not rather he should turn from his way and live?’”
Ezekiel 18: 21, 23
As a spiritual director, people have shared many stories with me. Each of us has our own, and our stories set the stage for this earthly life, and, ultimately, for the life hereafter. How many of our stories go according to our best-laid plans, much less God’s Holy Plan for each of us? Everyone comes into the world the same way – by the Will and Love of our Heavenly Father, we are conceived and born. But too many of us forget the humanity in the person whose story becomes different from our own. As a Catholic, how often do we fail to see Christ in our neighbor? Do we judge that some are more worthy to be our neighbor than others?
Recently, a man on Raleigh’s death row handwrote his spiritual story, and it was shared with me. Antwan Anthony, now 43 years old, has lived the last 13 years of his life on death row at Raleigh’s Central Prison. He came into this world the same way you and I did – and as with most people, this is where our stories diverge.
Antwan describes his life growing up as having been “abusive, dysfunctional, and traumatic,” but he also writes of how his biological mother “always taught me to put God first in everything.” Antwan took his mother’s faithful advice to heart – yet he experienced seeing ungodly images in his room that “used to terrify” him. He was taught at a young age to pray for the Blood of Jesus to cover and protect him so these images would go away.
While growing into manhood, Antwan attended a Pentecostal Church, and in his words, “… we would leave [the church] having learned very little.” However, at one Sunday service, Antwan did learn something that would forever change his life. When he decided to pretend falling out in the Spirit, he was shocked when the pastor began translating his meaningless mumblings! He writes, “Right then and there, I was done with church and believing its leaders. It was all phony and a hoax to get people to tithe.” He felt this type of deception colored his young mind against religion and Christians.
Antwan continues, “It was the 1980s, so I grew up in the Golden Age of Hip-Hop… and was inadvertently indoctrinated into Black Nationalism, Socialism, Five-Percenters, and the Nation of Islam. That became my truth – logic, reason, aggression, even paganism. That became my world. That’s what shaped my perception and that perception led me to where I am today.” And even after incarceration on death row, Antwan writes how he continued with his same “horrible frame of mind” by being in over 25 altercations with officers, “because I felt I couldn’t allow them to do whatever they wanted to me and get away with it.”
In spite of his years on death row and his reason for being there, Antwan’s story takes a miraculous turn in 2016. He writes about how this occasion was life changing for him.
“Then one day, I was speaking with a guy who asked me if I was interested in a pen pal ministry. I said sure, why not. I did not know that this decision would change my life forever! Ms. Vicki Jack, the pen pal, would become my adopted mother.
“She embodied Catholicism – Christianity. And I wanted to embody Christianity the same way she did: loving, caring, non-judgmental, compassionate, considerate. I figured I would go to Mass [offered weekly in death row’s multi-purpose room by priests in our diocese]. The serenity, the structure, the homily, it all moved me. Then I went to Mass again, and again. Then it was like I fell in love with Christ for the first time. It was amazing which eventually led me to getting baptized [Catholic, in 2024] and meeting Bishop Luis. I fell in love with saying the rosary and so far, I’ve completed a novena to Our Lady of Guadalupe and started writing a Christian RAP album…” Antwan goes on to admit becoming a Catholic has changed everything about himself and yet “accepted the fact that I will always be a work in progress.”
He affectionately calls Vicki “Momma-V” and knows God called Antwan back to Him through her and her devout faith as a Catholic. His life is still extremely hard but says he continues to learn as a new Catholic. When he gets upset, he “prays the Lord’s Prayer… and when I lose something, I ask St. Anthony to intercede! I can go on and on how my life has been so much better since I fully embraced God, His Son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in my heart. My life was yearning for something new. I just did not know what that ‘new’ was, but God did. He knew exactly how He was going to rejoin the one with the 99, and I thank Him for it.”
Antwan concludes this remarkable story: “I’m growing from soil tilled by the Son of Man, watered by the Blood He shed for our salvation. And with Him being the Light of the world is all the nurturing I need to continue to grow in Christ.”
Endnote: Antwan’s written story was sent to me through his spiritual mother, Vicki Jack. He started it by writing, “Hello to my Catholic Brothers and Sisters. Peace and blessings, and may God be with you all.”
